Is it really only Tuesday?

So, I'm feeling a lot less depressed.

I had services last week for a 15 year old girl that died. Her parents hadn't been together for a long time, and they don't get along at all, so I was the go-between. They each came in to arrange services separately, and each party had their own visitation/funeral for their daughter. Very odd. Everything went smoothly though, and both the mother and the father complimented the Kid and myself with how wonderfully it went. They both also told me that they were grateful for me dealing with their ex so that they didn't have to. Honestly, they were both pleasant, so it didn't bother me really, except for the extra time. Whatever.

These are my goals this week today:
1. organize a price list for all the funeral programs. Do not stop until it makes sense and looks pretty.
2. get new windshield wipers. My car is suffering. It also needs a bath.
3. organize Clem's 7th birthday party.
4. find and order some cute suspenders.
5. grocery shopping! I don't know why I avoid doing that on weekends when I have time to.

So, we'll see if I can kick it into gear and get stuff done.

Decomposition

It amazes me how many people find this site using search terms like "butt plug" "anal leakage" "orifice sewing" and so on. Apparently people wonder about that often enough to ask Google.

So, today I will be putting a deceased gentleman in a casket. The coroner estimates that he was dead for approximately four days before he was found in his bedroom, in a house without air conditioning. He is so bad that the family had to hire a trauma scene clean up team to clean the room. Pretty gross.

The family still wanted him embalmed, so I had to explain to them that I couldn't embalm him the way I normally would, but instead I would have to just let the embalming fluid seep into his tissues (like I do with fetuses) and let it do it's job that way. Well, after seeing the condition of this guy's remains, I'm fucking grateful that I told the family he'd have to be embalmed that way. I knew I was in for it when the smell hit me after he was brought in from the coroner's office. He was in a disaster pouch (it's like a heavy-duty body bag), and it really doesn't contain smells too well. So, I get a sheet ready and the Kid opens up the bag so I could lay the sheet on him. Let me just say, it has been quite a while since I've seen that much decomposition. I think I gagged three times. It really is the worst smell imaginable. So, I lay the sheet on him, his chest cavity was all open and exposed (when decomposition starts the gas build-up in the tissues becomes too great, while the tissues are getting weaker, and they just kinda pop), and his face was hardly even there. It was horrible. So, then we pour bottles of high-index (strong) embalming fluid on the sheet, close the bag and put him back in the fridge.

Today we will put him in his casket and he'll have a Rosary, then tomorrow Carlos and I will take him to Mass, then to the cemetery. I just hope no one notices the smell.

In which I am covered in blood

Okay, so the prep room that I am using belongs to a funeral home that already has a full staff. There are two older embalmers, both almost 70 (one of whom is retiring next month), and both male. They have a problem with women, from what I have gathered, specifically ones in power (their boss) and ones that have a man's job (me). The one that is retiring has been nice to me so far, but the other one, Ralph, seems life somewhat of an asshat. His embalming is pretty poor also. And he doesn't make arrangements with families any longer. He is just generally bothersome (and I don't even have to work with him that often).

There is one redeeming embalmer on staff however, and luckily for me he doesn't have issues with women in his prep room. He is a super-young kid (25), just finished his apprenticeship like, this summer, and has worked for the funeral home for almost two years. Barb really likes him, he does most of the work in that place, and he's been the most helpful to me so far (although, I am comparing him to two men that I doubt will ever be of much use to me).

So, when I first started he was given the task of showing me the embalming room and supplies in it that I would need to use, and I let him know that I wasn't familiar with the type of embalming machine they had, so if he was going to embalm I wanted to be there, to watch him. He said that he would let me know, and last week there was a case to be embalmed, so I went over to help him out. We got everything ready, and began injecting, and I told him that I usually don't open the vein right away to drain the blood. Jane never did, and I got used to doing it that way (is it possible to be superstitious about embalming because I feel like cases turn out better when I do that...). Okay, I go to cut the vein open, and I'm standing at this man's head (the deceased, not my coworker, lol), and as I do so his blood goes everywhere. I mean EVERYWHERE. There is blood all over my smock, on my shoes, on my legs, on my shirt, all over the floor, everyfuckingwhere. The kid turns off the machine, and I just kind of stand there. I mean, wtf? I. was. covered. (okay, I might be exaggerating, but it really was everywhere) So, I go over to a  table and take off my smock and shirt (keep it glean, guys, I had a tank on underneath), put on a clean smock and wipe off my shoes and legs, and wash my arms. The kid cleans up the floor, and probably walls too, and after a few minutes we continue embalming.

Needless to say, I'm grateful that the old guys weren't in the room.

Question from roommates

My roommate turns to me, knowing that I read your blog religiously, and asked me what happens the organs they remove during the autopsy? Do they just put them back in and stitch the person up, or dispose of them? Or you stitch up the autopsy incisions? I told her I didn't know, but would pose the questions to you.


The organs, and the brain (which is also removed during a complete autopsy), are, after their examination, usually put into a plastic bio hazard bag, placed back into the thoracic cavity, the severed ribs placed on top of that, and the autopsy incision sewed back up.  When the case arrives to the mortuary and embalming has been approved by the family, the embalmer opens the cavity, takes out the ribs and the bag, opens the bag and pours high index (strong) embalming fluid in it (called cavity fluid), and closes the bag again so it can "marinate" (man, we use a TON of food references in the prep room that I never really paid attention to). After the rest of the body is embalmed the viscera is taken out of the bag and put into another bag just like it, put back into the cavity, ribs placed on top, and the incision is stitched up again.  That's it!

I learned something today

Tumors don't burn up in the cremation process.

Disinterments

So, I had a disinterment this week. A family wanted their mother shipped to another state after having been buried here for 15 years. Luckily, her casket is metal, and she had been buried in a full vault, not just a liner (I suppose you'll need a vocab lesson for those), but not luckily the casket was quite rusty, and she's kinda gross looking I'm sure. But you know what is the best part? This particular cemetery didn't make me climb in the hole to inspect everything first. Nope, they just had me show up after getting her out of the ground, helped me put her in the car, and that was that.

See, thus is how it usually happens: I get to the cemetery when they are digging the hole and once they hit the vault they take off the lid and tell me to go on in to make sure the casket is in good enough shape for them to lift out. I have to open it to make sure the bottom won't fall out either. It smells. I gag profusely while the cemetery guys watch. I have to swallow my own puke. It. Is. Gross. The sit I wore that day has to be thrown away, not even the dry cleaner can get the smell off. My hair smells for days. My skin feels disgusting. The odor is in my noise hairs and I can't get it out. It's really bad.

So, this week's disinterment? Cake walk.

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He died, and somehow I thought maybe he wouldn't

Shit, I'm busy. Actually, the whole office is busy.

So, this past weekend the guy died that I talked about a couple of times before. He looks different now than I remember him.

It's a strange thing, families, and how different they are. I met with a brother and sister yesterday who had lost their mother (I hate that term "lost their ____"), and they got along like they were the best friends in the world. But then there's people like the family in the chapel now, who made us create fucking seating arrangements, complete with names on the pews, just because they didn't want some people sitting with others. And these are close family members, folks.  What is going on?  I get so frustrated by it.  They are all experiencing the same thing, why can't that bond them? Whatever.

I'm tired.

Thursday case update!

I don’t have any gross/fix-it cases currently, but I do have a couple of families right now that remind me why I love my job. Here’s one of them:

The arrangement started with a gal, maybe 45 0r 50, who came in about a month ago and got cremation prices from Monica, and I ended up talking with her a bit too. She said that her dad wasn’t doing too well and that she was going to get prices and information for her mother to fill out, so that when dad died we would have what we need. So, she took the paperwork and I didn’t see her until this past Monday when she, her partner, and her mother came in. They explained to me that dad had improved a bit in the last month, but had declined greatly this past weekend, and they knew he would die soon. So, I went over all the necessary paperwork with his wife, and we had a nice (although teary) meeting, and I gave them my cell phone number, just in case they had questions or he died and I wasn't on call, and they left. Tuesday, at about 5:30, I received a call from the daughter saying he had died an hour ago, and she was sobbing so heavily I had a hard time understanding her words. I knew though, he must be dead, and after a minute or two she calmed down enough to give me the details. I asked her to call me if anything came up between then and the next afternoon when they were to come in to finalize everything, and told her that I was sorry about her father dying. She was very grateful.

The next day we met together again, and I did my best to make them laugh, however briefly, and shortly into the arrangement I could tell they were feeling much more at ease. We chatted about the deceased’s life a bit, and I got to know them better. After all the paperwork was done I folded his veteran’s flag for them, and his wife cried again, and after everyone hugged me, they left. I mailed out a nice laminated bookmark with some of his information on it to his wife today, with a note, and I hope she likes it.

Batesville Casket Company

I think this one was Monday's post

One of the giants in funeral service products is Batesville Casket Company. They are run by Hillenbrand Industries, which own a shit ton of stuff (it seems) that is related to funeral service. I would bet that anyone working in the death industry knows Batesville, and most funeral homes in America probably have some sort of casket or urn on their show floor.

They’ve been around a long time, and as most of the caskets we carry, and the funeral homes that have employed me in the past carried, are Batesville caskets. In mortuary school we watch videos on how caskets are made, and those videos were shot at the Batesville plant (probably) in Batesville, Indiana. The company even offers employees of funeral homes that carry their products an all-expense paid trip to see their Indiana plant, and apparently it’s awesome (my ex has been twice).

They also make urns, and googling Batesville Urn or Batesville Casket will probably show you a wide range of what they make. They are known for being higher-end, and therefore more expensive, but all of their products are mass produced, so they aren’t as expensive as places (or people) that offer one-of-a-kind or handmade funeral products.

Their website is here, although, for a company that is so large, it’s really crap.

New friends

So, I am finally feeling a bit better today.  I am tired, mostly tired of coughing, but I finally don't have a headache the size of Alaska.

Wednesday, right? So that means funeral services.

I haven't worked any really fascinating services lately, but I have worked some services that have ended by starting a new friendship or two.

One, a service for a woman in her late 50s (I think), her daughter was the one to make arrangements, along with her grandma (the mother of the deceased), and everything went really well.  So well, in fact, that the daughter invited me (the service was on a Saturday), along with my J and Clem, to meet up with them (she and her hubby, her dad, grandma, some aunts , uncles and a few friends) for breakfast and bloody marys the next morning, so we went.  We had a blast.  They loved Clem, and weren't at all odded out by my having a girlfriend.  It was great.  So great, in fact, that they called a few weeks later when they were back in town (the daughter and her husband) to do it again.  It really was wonderful.  We went to the same Basque place, had an awesome breakfast (served with wine, ???), and they taught Clem how to say she's from the area code that we live in. Hilarious.

I'm not really sure why, but I wanted to share that one with you.  Maybe I needed a little pick-me-up this week.

Glee, party of three

Ha!! I'm not sticking to my own schedule.  Today should be embalming, and I started an embalming post, but I had a quirky work episode.

So, I'm sitting here watching Glee reruns with J, and we have a guest.

A man died.  I am working with his brother, who is in charge of his arrangements, and getting everything together for his cremation.  He had a pre-arrangement, so it makes it a lot easier (do it! it really does make it easier, even if you don't pre-pay), and in his pre-arrangement he stated that I am to go to his home and retrieve his wife's cremated remains and put his remains in the urn with hers.

So, today, after work, before I picked up Clem, I went to the man's home.  I took the urn, put it in the car (buckled) and was on my way.  I got Clem and was home shortly after.  When I got home I took Mrs. Dead Husband out of the car (I couldn't just leave her there overnight, what if it was cold...what if the car got broken into...what if the world ends tonight and she's alone?), took her inside, and sat her on the couch.  I found J in the kitchen, putting away the dishes I had washed last night, and I said hi.  Shortly after she came in the living room.

J: What's this?
me: Oh, thats Mrs. Dead Husband.
J: ???
Me: [I explain]
J: What, you want her to watch tv with us?
Me: Well...
J: Um, can she sit on the floor?
Me: Sure (moving her to the floor).
J: Really? You're putting her there so she can watch tv still?
Me: Uh, yeah (OBVIOUSLY!!!!!)

So, she's here, right with me. And I hope she liked show tunes.

Aspiration

So, my friend, Miss Anne and I were chatting it up today, and she had some questions, so, with her permission I'm posting some of our convo:

*Mrs.A* says:

how's the deads

any good ones?

Doll says:

yep

*Mrs.A* says:

omg.

you've been holding out!

BITCH!

Doll says:

I had a tough reconstruction yesterday

LOL

I know!

*Mrs.A* says:

what happened?

Doll says:

13 year old

car accident

her mom died too

but I havent done her face yet

*Mrs.A* says:

omg

sadness

Doll says:

yes

*Mrs.A* says:

a 13 yr old ???

Doll says:

yes, and her sister is still in critical at a hospital here

eek!

*Mrs.A* says:

wtf.

is it bad?

Doll says:

yes

*Mrs.A* says:

like un recognizable?

Doll says:

no, but the girl took a lot of work

but i got to train my coworker a bit on it

so that was great

*Mrs.A* says:

wow. girl i dont know how you do it

do you ever get "scared" of the people?

Doll says:

lol

no

*Mrs.A* says:

i think the eyes being open would freak me out

Doll says:

[the other embalmer] was working on the girl and emailed me a "before" photo of a huge gash on her hand

that was kinda gross

but not scary

*Mrs.A* says:

[cute pet name for my other embalmer]???

Doll says:

lol, thats what i call her, its a pet name

Doll says:

(I explain how I came up with the nickname for her)

*Mrs.A* says:

(i love the nickname)

omg

best

so

tell me this

if people have gashes, or jacked up faces... (holes, etc)

and you try to embalm

doesn't the fluid come out?

Doll says:

yes!

but you just let it

so that the rest of everything gets fluid

*Mrs.A* says:

the vag/buttplug are almost too much to think about!

Doll says:

i knoW!

but its WAY better than the old way of doing it

*Mrs.A* says:

?

cotton?

Doll says:

sewing it shut

*Mrs.A* says:

omg

Doll says:

*VOMIT*

*Mrs.A* says:

eeek.

so

i can plan on a buttplug at death.

Doll says:

most likely you wont need one

*Mrs.A* says:

?

Doll says:

most people dont

*Mrs.A* says:

ohhh

only if you have a flappy butt

LOL.

Doll says:

when i aspirate their guts most stuff gets sucked out

LOL

*Mrs.A* says:

how do you aspirate?

Doll says:

you use a trocar

ill take a photo in  a bit and email it to you

*Mrs.A* says:

(vacuum?)

Doll says:

sorta

*Mrs.A* says:

where do you poke?

Doll says:

near the belly button

lol

its so funny how people have NO CLUE

*Mrs.A* says:

i know

WHY do you think i'm OBSESSED?

/curious

Doll says:

because youre NUTS

lol

*Mrs.A* says:

but i also am kinda scared of the deads

i dont wanna see anyones eyes

Doll says:

you just shut them, you know

or put a towel over their face like you do with their private parts

*Mrs.A* says:

ever have one "gone"

Doll says:

what do you mean?

*Mrs.A* says:

like popped out

or poked out

or missing

Doll says:

ive seen a glass eye a time or two

and one guy had part of his face gone including one eye because of face cancer

*Mrs.A* says:

wow.

how do you fix that?

Doll says:

just like fixing an auto accident

*Mrs.A* says:

lol

Doll says:

lol?

*Mrs.A* says:

like just throw in a muffler, some oil, a wrench and call it good

lol.

 (that's what came to mind)

then i was like ....ohh... like facial reconstruction.

 (sorry)

Doll says:

LOL

*Mrs.A* says:

i need to jobshadow for a week

*Mrs.A* says:

seriously.

Doll says:

thats funny!!

you do!!

*Mrs.A* says:

omg they wouldn't let me watch anything there tho would they?

Doll says:

they sooooo would!

my boss LOVES hot chicks

so you could totally

*Mrs.A* says:

lol right.

So, a trocar looks like this:

(source)
The three small, pointy objects you see are the tips of the trocars and are sharp.  The tip is screwed on before the trocar is used, and comes off to aid in cleaning, as well as to replace when it becomes dull.  The two trocars at the top of the photo are used for regular aspiration of the deceased.  The end with the handle gets attached to a hose and the hose is attached to a bibb (is that the right word?) that sucks air in when the faucet is turned on (see photo below).  Aynway, we use the trocar to puncture the viscera (see other picture) and suck out the remaining body fluids, then pour in some strong embalming fluid to harden and sanitize the trunk of the body.

and is inserted (usually) here:

(source)

You'd think this job would have been strange a while ago

Last week I had a slightly busy schedule, it seemed like all the families I met with wanted to have full services (which is great) and they were all a little odd.  For example, I was meeting with a man whose grandson had died, and we had also done the services for his son 10 years prior. Parts of the arrangement went like this:
Me: (getting info for the death certificate) Sir, what was your grandson's father's name?
Grandpa: Well, you did his services 10 years ago
Me: *blink, blink* Um, okay, sir. *Pause while fighting the urge to say*: I will go down into the Great Underground Vault of All Past Services and pick out a nice case from 10 years back and we'll just use *that* name.
Me: I would be happy to go look up his information, but I would need his name to do that.
G: Well, I can *tell* you his name if that's all you need.
Me: *blink, blink*
*** Later that same arrangement ***
Me: Now, I need to go over some of the members' names of your grandson's family for the register book and the clergy record we provide. You said he has four children, can I get their names?
G: No.
Me: *blink* *long pause of awkward silence* Okay.

So, yeah, it was odd.

His grandson had been in an accident. Now, I know I've sung my own restorative art praises left and right, but I have to admit with this guy: there was NO bringing him back to view-ability. He didn't even look human any longer.  He was in a million pieces, and even though the gross stuff doesn't seem to affect me, this one did. I have dreamt about him a couple of times.  I'm telling you, guys, he didn't even really have a head.  No skull, just a few bones. No skin, no eyes, no mouth (a few teeth though), no ears, hardly any hair, he was destroyed. The Medical Examiner couldn't even find all of his pieces.  There are surely still pieces of him lying around town where the accident was. There has to be.

Anyway, I was glad he wasn't going to be viewed.  I was glad to not have to tell his family that I wasn't going to be able to make him look like himself. I've never had to do that, and I didn't want to start yet.

I will follow you into the dark

I got a call back in February from a pastor in a town not far from the city I live in asking for prices on a cremation, and asking for some details on how the whole process works. She told me that she was calling on behalf of one of the members of her church whose partner was being put on hospice care, dying of cancer. I gave her prices and some information, and asked her if I could be a bit nosy, and she told me yes, so I asked a bit about the “partnership” and what she meant by that. She told me that the women had been together for years (like 30 or more) and that they (obviously) weren’t married, but that they were each other’s legal next-of-kin, and also gave me cute little details about their relationship. So, I explained that I would need a copy of the documentation of that (which is odd, married couples don’t have to bring in their proof of marriage to show that they are, in fact, the legal next-of-kin), and that I could email all the forms to her to sign and fax back to me, and she said that would be great.

The forms were all sent back to me the next day, and we have kept them on file so that when the woman dies we will have everything we need. I didn’t end up talking with the partner making the arrangements ever, just the pastor, who was very kind.

The woman died yesterday. Big Bird gave me the file so that I could call the partner and touch base with her and make sure that the way everything had been set up back in February was the way it should be. She was very soft spoken, and quite calm, and I immediately liked her. I asked her if she had any questions about anything and she didn’t, and we went over some of the information I had in the file, and a couple of times she got a bit choked up, and I could hear the strain in her voice, trying not to cry.

I felt so badly for her, like I was feeling just a small part of the heartache she was feeling. I never feel like I want to hug people I make arrangements for (well, almost never), and I just wanted to hug her. I wanted to tell her that it’s okay to cry, and that I’m so sorry she lost the woman she has loved for most of her life. But I couldn’t, and she isn’t going to ever meet me, as the cremated remains are being shipped to her when the cremation is complete, and I’m disappointed. So, I wrote her a letter:

Dear *lady*
I want to express my condolences on the loss of your love. I know it might seem insincere to receive a letter like this from a funeral home employee, but I am truly sorry for her death, and I wanted to let you know that you have been in my thoughts today. I cannot begin to imagine the hurt that you are feeling, and I hope that you understand that it is okay to feel that way, and it’s also okay to not try to unfeel it.
It was nice to talk with you over the phone, and I hope that if there is anything you need that I can help you with (grief support groups in your area, counselor recommendations, etc.) you will let me know, it would be an honor for me to do that.
Sincerely,
Doll

I’m a bit nervous to send it though.

It’s funny, here this woman has lost her partner, and I can’t help but think she’s the luckiest woman on earth. How many people die without that kind of love? Far too many, I would guess.

Click here to hear the song this post is titled after.

Mourners, party of 3...

I know I've mentioned before that some people decide to pre-plan their funeral services, and that it insures that their wishes are followed after they die.  Well, we had a death this week for a woman who had done just that, and pre-planned a funeral service in the chapel, followed by burial in a cemetery here.  She picked out everything, and prepaid for it all, so when she died we got started arranging for everything and found out she has no family.  Apparently the state (or county or whatever) appointed a public guardian to her to help take care of her (find a nursing home, figure out medical care, take care of finances, etc.) since her husband died 20 years ago and she had no other family.  Normally in that sort of case the public guardian will just have the remains cremated and then buried somewhere, using any funds that the deceased has left, but in her case it was all taken care of, so the guardian let us take care of it all.

Anyway, we knew no one was going to come to the service. It seems sad to think that, and I suppose it is, but all of us were kind of excited that we would get to be the attendees for the service.  Our very own Buck was the officiate, and Monica, Tank and I sat in the first pew of the chapel.  Boss sat in the back (he was the only one that knew the deceased at all), and Big Bird popped her head in a few times.  The service lasted about 25 minutes, and at the end Buck and Buffy sang Amazing Grace a cappella, and it was beautiful.  We were all given a chance to say a few words about the woman that had died, and although we didn't know her we said what was on out hearts.  It was really a wonderful service, and a great end to my week.

Staring out the window...

I blogged a while back about that guy making his own funeral arrangements because he was dying, remember? Well, he isn’t dead yet. Actually, I’ve wanted to post about him not being dead yet but have thought that I didn’t want to jinx him by doing so (I’m a bit terrified that I am going to come into work tomorrow and he will have died). Anyway, in true me fashion, I’m going to blog about *my* feelings and *my* thoughts about this man, instead of blogging about what his immanent death might be doing to *his* thoughts and feelings, as I don’t know him, nor do I think it would be appropriate to ask him if I did.

The hospital he told me he’d be at is just up the street. I can see it through the window here at my desk. It’s the hospital where I was born, and it is the hospital in which many people die, including, at some future date, my pre-arrangement leukemia man. In the post I mentioned wanting to visit him in the hospital, he was supposed to check himself in sometime in early February, and I still want to. I don’t think I want to talk to him, just maybe go poke my head in while he’s asleep, or ask a nurse if there’s anything I can get him that he might need (maybe some delicious French fries, I know that I’d want some if I were stuck, dying in a hospital), just so I can see him alive again. I’m not sure why, but I just don’t want the next time I see him to be when he’s dead. I want to know when his daughter turns 18. What if he doesn’t make it (he didn’t think he would)? What if he does? How will I know? I have instructions to not call her when he dies, a friend of his will tell her, so I don’t have a way of knowing. Why does it bother me so much? Argh. I’m so confused…

There's always one...

So, I'm live blogging a funeral right now. It's in our chapel, and we are heading out to the cemetery in a bit.  Tank and Opie and I are all working this service, and they are funny about certian things, one of which is women. Particularly women at funerals.

See, there's this rule about funerals: there is always one, some woman, at every service, that is a little too cute and a lot too sexy to be at a funeral. Don't get me wrong, it's quite amusing (Tank goes a bit ape-shit), but it's also a little embarassing as well. I mean, you kinda can't help but stare, and we (the funeral staff) always tell each other who to look for. Like with this gal (whom i thought was about 17 until i found out how old she really was), as soon as she came in Tank comes up to me and says. "Foyer, green top, black skirt and HEELS!" So I go out there and yep, she's a little hottie, and i immediately feel a bit dirty and tell Tank he's in trouble, what with how young she is.  And to make matters worse she had this flirty "yeah, I know I'm trouble" look on her face.

So, i end up being the one to take the family to the cemetery in the limo, and she sat in the center seat of the back row, right in my line of vision in the rear view mirror.  She was kinda making me nervous, and it was hard to look in the rear view without thinking that she would think I was staring at her, so I would quickly look away. It was all a bit amusing (and very embarrassing) and I was glad to be out of the car when we got to the graveside.

On the way back it was the same, but she was talkative, and I swear she winked at me in the mirror. Wtf, right? Anyway, i laughed this nervous laugh, and looked away and didn't look again the rest of the trip.

Conversations with my mother

I was talking to my mom the other night, she had shoulder surgery and I went over to check up on her and I was telling her about my manager, Tank (whom she knows), and the experience he had last week. Back years ago, when he had first received his embalmer’s license, he got a case, a young woman who had been murdered, and it was his first homicide. She had been pretty badly beaten, and he embalmed her and also met with her family, and he remembers a lot about the case: her name, how old she was, the family, etc. Apparently there had been other murders in the area all by what looked like the same person, and the man (I’m not just assuming it was a man, the victims all had been sexually assaulted and there was semen found on them) had never been caught. So, the other night he was watching the news and he heard that a man had been convicted of these murders from the time period and in the same area as this gal, but no victim names were mentioned in the clip, so he googled the story, finding the name of the girl he had embalmed decades ago as one of those victims this guy had been convicted of murdering. Pretty effing crazy, no?

So, I tell this all to my mom who is shocked that Tank remembered, and then she looked at me and said how sad it was.

Mom: That’s so sad, Doll.
Me: Yeah, but sometimes people die that way.
Mom: No, I mean that he was so affected. How awful.
Me: It’s not that bad, mom.
Mom: But it stayed with him all that time. It must have really weighed heavy on him to have stayed with him for so long. How awful to have had to work on a homicide. You’ve never had to do that, have you??
Me: Work on a homicide?
Mom: Yeah.
Me: Of course I have, mom.
Mom: How sad!!
Me: It’s part of the job, mom. It’s helpful.

So, I was thinking about it, my poor mother, all doped up on surgery meds, being surprised at the fact that I’ve worked on homicides, when I know she and I have talked about it before. Hell, I was a mess a while back working on the little one (4 years old) that had been murdered and bawled my brains out at her, so I know she knew that I’ve had to do that before, but I think it wasn’t until Tank’s story that she realized that some of this shit doesn’t go away. Some of it just stays with us. He will always see the marks on that woman’s body, remembering how he had to cover up the strangulation marks on her neck so that her parents and sister wouldn’t see the extent of the damage done to their girl, and that will always be part of the game. I will never forget that little one, and cannot seem to escape the knowledge that they suffered. Suffered badly, and for what reason? I remember my tears falling on the child’s arms as I dressed the little body, and watching a father place them in a casket that shouldn’t even be made that small.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that my mom is right. It is sad. And I think I am starting to understand that it might hurt every now and then. But it’s my job. And I love it. And I think I am starting to realize that it’s okay to be affected, at least every once in a while.

In which I was busy

Eek!

High profile cases were everywhere last week.  I am glad that's over.

I had a baby (preemie, lived two weeks) service yesterday- a graveside- and the priest was a half-hour late, and it was cold outside.  I was not too happy, not to mention the family was irate, but as soon as the service got started it was okay.  The sun even came out for a few minutes.

I had lunch with Big Bird yesterday as well, and it was quite awkward.  She is just so strange.  And I feel like she doesn't quite know what to say to me with the whole divorce situation.  She does ask about Clem, making sure she's okay, and that's nice, but I sorta feel like she wants details and doesn't know how to ask.  So, the lunch was a bit weird (to say the least) and I ended up getting hit on by a guy eating next to us (which she brought up to the rest of the office when we got back, embarrassing me a bit).  Very odd.

We ended up with a total of four suicides in the last two weeks.  Two gunshot wounds to the head, one OD on pills, and one suffocation, all self-inflicted (obviously).  I'm not too sure what's with the suicides, but whatever.

This week I have an AIDS case.  It's one of those cause of deaths that seems like it would worry those of us that work with the bodies, but doesn't.  See, AIDS is a very picky virus.  It can't live long in a body that isn't the right temperature, unlike Hepatitis or TB, so once a body has been refrigerated for a while it is unlikely that the remains could infect one of us (that, and it's blood borne, not airborne (again, like TB)).  The AIDS case is an older man, and from the other things listed on his death certificate it seems like he probably contracted it from needles.

Also, I have a Facebook page if any of you want to be a fan (but if you know me in real life, please don't, as I am a bit paranoid).

I got an email question:

Good Day Dollface:
First off, I enjoy your blog for giving us readers an insight into both your professional and personal life. I live in Canada and I have a question.
I would like to simply be cremated in a cardboard box without embalming. Is this possible? How can I ensure my wishes?
If you could address this question on your blog, I would really appreciate it.

Now, I don't know the rules there in the land above, but I do know them here, and I would imagine they are a lot the same, and to be sure I called up a funeral home in Vancouver to ask a question or two, and I was right.

If one wants to be cremated, and there is no viewing of the body, there is no reason to embalm the remains.  Instead, the remains are refrigerated, so as to slow down their decomposition, and then cremated when the proper documents are filed and the cremation is approved.  Into a cardboard box the remains will go, and into a retort (mortuary term!) and viola! the cremation begins.  Now, in order to ensure that your wishes to be cremated (directly, without viewing) are followed, you need to pre-arrange your cremation with a local funeral home, and then let your family know that you have done so, so that they don't call the wrong place when you die, and make unnecessary (and unwanted) arrangements. It would also be a good idea to prepay for the services, as most mortuaries will offer a guaranteed price when you pre-pay.

Is that sufficient? Would you like me to email you some mortuaries' contact info in your area?