Monday, February 21, 2011


Okay, from January 1, 2011 to Feb 21, 2011 we have had 211 cases.  Now, two a day might not deem like that big of a deal, but let me tell you, I am fucking swamped at work.  I still don’t have a computer or internet at home, and the boss is really starting to monitor internet use at work.  All of that combined with me not knowing what to really write about and being in and out of depressive moods from lack of contact with friends that I used to talk to non-stop, lack of any sort of working relationship with my family, and fear about how to pay bills (at all, if not on time) has made for shitty blogging.  I know I’ve said I’m sorry for it all before, so I won’t bother you with what will undoubtedly seem like a meaningless apology.  And, honestly, it sounds a lot worse than it all is, I’m really not that depressed, but it just seems overwhelming at times, today being one of them.

So, work has been busy, although not very interesting.  I had my first ever suicide due to being gay and not being able to deal with the way they were treated.  His parents were a wreck, they knew why he did it.  And it wasn’t just that, or just them, but still, it’s hard to not play the “what could I have done differently” game.  He was young.  Younger than I.

Clem is doing well, she is growing like a weed and as sassy as ever.  She dances all around, all the time, and is more like a teen than a 4 year old.  I just about cried the other day, realizing that I now have to shop in the big girls section for her clothes instead of in the baby/toddler section.

J and I are doing well.  I am thankful daily for having her around, and I constantly wonder what it is that keeps her there.  I’m a complete nut ball, but she seems to be okay with that.  Her family is good to me and to Clem, her dad even got me a Valentine’s day stuffed animal.  Her grandma invites us over for dinner a lot, and is generous, I complimented her on a beautiful gold heart-link bracelet she was wearing and she took it off and gave it to me.  She offered to make me dinner for my birthday this Saturday, but I had to decline since my family wants to do it then (although J isn’t invited).

Anyway, that’s really about it.