Wednesday, September 29, 2010

How big are your tits?

LOL. Really? How big are yours?

34 B/C. Right in the middle of those two.

But why would you ask? Will you tell me what that says about me? I am baffled and amused at the same time.

Ask me anything

He died, and somehow I thought maybe he wouldn't

Shit, I'm busy. Actually, the whole office is busy.

So, this past weekend the guy died that I talked about a couple of times before. He looks different now than I remember him.

It's a strange thing, families, and how different they are. I met with a brother and sister yesterday who had lost their mother (I hate that term "lost their ____"), and they got along like they were the best friends in the world. But then there's people like the family in the chapel now, who made us create fucking seating arrangements, complete with names on the pews, just because they didn't want some people sitting with others. And these are close family members, folks.  What is going on?  I get so frustrated by it.  They are all experiencing the same thing, why can't that bond them? Whatever.

I'm tired.

Monday, September 27, 2010


I was just thinking today about this thing that happened last week.

I had to change my cell phone number because someone (some lady) called (okay, only twice (that I know of)), and harassed me.

Convo one:
Bitch: Fucking dyke! Your daughter is going to hate you! Just like everyone else hates you!

Convo two:
Me: Hello?
Bitch: Burn in hell, dyke!

Or something like that. Anyway, the phone number I have had for 8 years is no longer mine. I actually sobbed to the cell phone gal (bless her heart) about it all.

And, before you ask, it was a blocked number (I have to answer, what if it was a family I'm doing services for?), and I don't recognize the number. And, really, I just want sympathy...

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Thursday case update!

I don’t have any gross/fix-it cases currently, but I do have a couple of families right now that remind me why I love my job. Here’s one of them:

The arrangement started with a gal, maybe 45 0r 50, who came in about a month ago and got cremation prices from Monica, and I ended up talking with her a bit too. She said that her dad wasn’t doing too well and that she was going to get prices and information for her mother to fill out, so that when dad died we would have what we need. So, she took the paperwork and I didn’t see her until this past Monday when she, her partner, and her mother came in. They explained to me that dad had improved a bit in the last month, but had declined greatly this past weekend, and they knew he would die soon. So, I went over all the necessary paperwork with his wife, and we had a nice (although teary) meeting, and I gave them my cell phone number, just in case they had questions or he died and I wasn't on call, and they left. Tuesday, at about 5:30, I received a call from the daughter saying he had died an hour ago, and she was sobbing so heavily I had a hard time understanding her words. I knew though, he must be dead, and after a minute or two she calmed down enough to give me the details. I asked her to call me if anything came up between then and the next afternoon when they were to come in to finalize everything, and told her that I was sorry about her father dying. She was very grateful.

The next day we met together again, and I did my best to make them laugh, however briefly, and shortly into the arrangement I could tell they were feeling much more at ease. We chatted about the deceased’s life a bit, and I got to know them better. After all the paperwork was done I folded his veteran’s flag for them, and his wife cried again, and after everyone hugged me, they left. I mailed out a nice laminated bookmark with some of his information on it to his wife today, with a note, and I hope she likes it.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Batesville Casket Company

I think this one was Monday's post

One of the giants in funeral service products is Batesville Casket Company. They are run by Hillenbrand Industries, which own a shit ton of stuff (it seems) that is related to funeral service. I would bet that anyone working in the death industry knows Batesville, and most funeral homes in America probably have some sort of casket or urn on their show floor.

They’ve been around a long time, and as most of the caskets we carry, and the funeral homes that have employed me in the past carried, are Batesville caskets. In mortuary school we watch videos on how caskets are made, and those videos were shot at the Batesville plant (probably) in Batesville, Indiana. The company even offers employees of funeral homes that carry their products an all-expense paid trip to see their Indiana plant, and apparently it’s awesome (my ex has been twice).

They also make urns, and googling Batesville Urn or Batesville Casket will probably show you a wide range of what they make. They are known for being higher-end, and therefore more expensive, but all of their products are mass produced, so they aren’t as expensive as places (or people) that offer one-of-a-kind or handmade funeral products.

Their website is here, although, for a company that is so large, it’s really crap.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

New friends

So, I am finally feeling a bit better today.  I am tired, mostly tired of coughing, but I finally don't have a headache the size of Alaska.

Wednesday, right? So that means funeral services.

I haven't worked any really fascinating services lately, but I have worked some services that have ended by starting a new friendship or two.

One, a service for a woman in her late 50s (I think), her daughter was the one to make arrangements, along with her grandma (the mother of the deceased), and everything went really well.  So well, in fact, that the daughter invited me (the service was on a Saturday), along with my J and Clem, to meet up with them (she and her hubby, her dad, grandma, some aunts , uncles and a few friends) for breakfast and bloody marys the next morning, so we went.  We had a blast.  They loved Clem, and weren't at all odded out by my having a girlfriend.  It was great.  So great, in fact, that they called a few weeks later when they were back in town (the daughter and her husband) to do it again.  It really was wonderful.  We went to the same Basque place, had an awesome breakfast (served with wine, ???), and they taught Clem how to say she's from the area code that we live in. Hilarious.

I'm not really sure why, but I wanted to share that one with you.  Maybe I needed a little pick-me-up this week.

Thursday, September 9, 2010


I am so sick.  If I die of this horrid cold make sure they drag my body to the next county over so the ME doesn't see me naked.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Glee, party of three

Ha!! I'm not sticking to my own schedule.  Today should be embalming, and I started an embalming post, but I had a quirky work episode.

So, I'm sitting here watching Glee reruns with J, and we have a guest.

A man died.  I am working with his brother, who is in charge of his arrangements, and getting everything together for his cremation.  He had a pre-arrangement, so it makes it a lot easier (do it! it really does make it easier, even if you don't pre-pay), and in his pre-arrangement he stated that I am to go to his home and retrieve his wife's cremated remains and put his remains in the urn with hers.

So, today, after work, before I picked up Clem, I went to the man's home.  I took the urn, put it in the car (buckled) and was on my way.  I got Clem and was home shortly after.  When I got home I took Mrs. Dead Husband out of the car (I couldn't just leave her there overnight, what if it was cold...what if the car got broken into...what if the world ends tonight and she's alone?), took her inside, and sat her on the couch.  I found J in the kitchen, putting away the dishes I had washed last night, and I said hi.  Shortly after she came in the living room.

J: What's this?
me: Oh, thats Mrs. Dead Husband.
J: ???
Me: [I explain]
J: What, you want her to watch tv with us?
Me: Well...
J: Um, can she sit on the floor?
Me: Sure (moving her to the floor).
J: Really? You're putting her there so she can watch tv still?
Me: Uh, yeah (OBVIOUSLY!!!!!)

So, she's here, right with me. And I hope she liked show tunes.

Friday, September 3, 2010


Okay, so, I need some structure. I have a lot to post and have been very disorganized lately and have been neglectful. I have also not had internet at home, and I don’t want to get caught blogging at work, but now I have internet at home, yay!


So, this is the posting topic schedule I would like to attempt to keep (at least half of the time):

Monday- Some sort of mortuary-related company profile
Tuesday- Embalming stuff
Wednesday- Stuff about funeral services
Thursday- Update on the cases I am working on
Friday- Personal, unless you don’t want me to include that

Got anything to say?