Monday, April 12, 2010

How did you meet the person you had an affair with? Male or Female? And how did your husband find out? Duration?

Okay, so I've been wondering how much detail I should go into about this one, and I figure I don't *actually* know most of the readers of my blog, so I might as well tell you guys everything.

I met her at church. She's the girl I've blogged about before. It's kind of strange, the whole situation, I mean, she's a girl which is a bit different, and I met her at church, which isn't really the best place to meet someone that you end up having an affair with, etc.

The hubby found out because the girl I was having the affair with told someone at church, and that person told the pastor, who eventually told my husband. I know I probably should have been the one to tell him, but I couldn't. I tried a few times before anyone even found out (although I am sure he knew anyway), and just couldn't bring myself to say it. I was a total chicken about it, partly because I was scared of what he would say/do (not that I think he would have hit me or something like that, but I knew he would make me leave and I didn't want to leave my daughter), and partly because for as much as I wanted out of the relationship, I still cared and didn't want to hurt him. Anyway, it was a bit of a mess for a while, as you know I lived with my parents and he and I aren't together any longer.

I haven't known her for long, but she and I are still together. We are having a blast, and I feel lucky, you know? I feel loved.

Every now and then it's hard though, my relationship with my family is strained, and I recognize it's my fault. My daughter stays with me in my new place every other night, and she seems to be doing okay. It's especially hard when she asks why I don't love her daddy any more, and I try to tell her that I do love him, I just don't want to live with him. How do you tell that to a child? I wonder if I've screwed up everything for her future. But I also wondered that when I was with her dad. I mean, I don't want to model a mediocre marriage to her, but I also don't want her to have this broken home.

It's also hard because J (my girlfriend) and I have left our church. This is the church that I have considered "home" since I was 14. A lot of the people there I have known since I was a child. J had been going there for about 2 years, and her best friend is no longer talking to her. We've gone to another church a few times, but they aren't accepting of our lifestyle any more than our old church, so we know we can't stay there either.

Anyway, that's the story.


MattOnFire said...

Wow. Kudos to you for putting this out here on the intertubes. I can't imagine how difficult it must be going through what you're going through, but as time goes on, each day will seem easier and less stressful until, eventually, everything just flows.
You'll get there - good luck.

Doll Face said...

Thanks, Matt. You're a doll.

Miss Anne said...

I've always told you to be true to yourself, love hard and real, and take care of you.

In the end it'll all work out.

♥ you!

Doll Face said...

You're a sweet heart, Miss Anne.


Anonymous said...

If there's a Unitarian Universalist church near you, give it a try. I think you'd find it an excellent fit!

Doll Face said...

The UU church scares me a little, but it has been thought about... Thanks for the tip!

Antler said...

Metropolitan Community Church.....made for folk like us!